CALM TIDES.

Hey guys,
Lately I have grown up and I almost forgot that I own a blog, I have been busy, a lot of things happened in my life, a lot of things I wish never happened, and many that I'm happy happened and well, will always stay in my good memories.
Since my last blog update I was busy, busy with... studies, fun, seeing new things, living life, etc. I was residing in the UK for my studies, I shared a flat (appartment) with 4 other friends/brothers who were in the same batch as me the previous year in India. The people and place were a total delight. The days I stayed there on my own I enlightened myself to what I'm today, it would sound like I'm complaining but I noticed that nobody gives two shits of where am I and what am I doing (makes me wonder why am I writing this post{well I believe you will care[insert sad cat eyes meme]}), because of that I just visit my social networking site (facebook) to see cute funny memes. My social life has gone down the drains, I wonder how long has it been since I last had a decent coversation with anyone, I have just been spending my days on and off the mobile, youtube and anime. You guys know what? People are born weak but if you work hard enough and defy your limitations you become stronger, people have more freedom than they think they do(anime and my "enlightment" thought me that).
Well guys I will leave you guys there. To make you guys better there is atleast one person who has a worse social life than you(me). Here are some pictures of beach of South Shields.

LET ME SHOW YOU.

Lets start this post with no formal greetings today, we all know that you're on this blog for the first time, well a couple o days back I posted about my insecurities and bull-crap, and it seems it got better views than I thought of, might be I'm hallucinating things but posting about my insecurities have got me more views rather than posting something useful, well I'm gambling on this one here and not posting about what my life is like and other crap like that. I just wanted to be on my blog for a while I guess, I'm off on a break from college and have about an hour for the exams,

PEN WORK ON MY HAND 

I don't know what exactly I'm writing about though, but I was feeling tired of sitting quiet, what do you do when you just have to sit quiet and mind your own business, for a little amount of time it seems fine but after a while it gets frustrating, you just need to put something out of your mouth even though it is just gibberish that comes out of mouth, well to make my quiet times to be more bearable I spend my time reading manga or on just on internet searching random things or even listen to songs(even though I have been through my playlist a thousand times), but yeah it gets frustrating from time to time, but if you think about it, it's not that bad, to have your own time, because I'm one such person that will have a chat with myself when I have to keep quiet. I don't admit it, but I have a really screwed up personality, I cannot handle crowds well, I don't like people staring at me, or even looking at me when it comes to that, but I don't like complete isolation either I tend to get worked up when I'm left alone. I also cannot stay without a single work to do, I cannot sit idle, i tend to get worked up and start to fidget with things that lie around me (and somehow every single one of them ends broken or damaged). I have found my ways to settle my down with it. If you have a condition like mine you should do what you are more comfortable with for a short time and later switch it with what you are less comfortable with, why change ? well lets admit it if you get too much of something you get bored of it, sooner or later, for like me I first stay alone for hours and then i switch over by going for a walk or sitting around in a place where I can see other human beings or play with my pets when I was back home. For if you have a complexity like me of fidgeting with things or planing to be the ruler of the world or ending it, I suggest you there is not much I can help with this, but i tend to read manga when i feel the need of fidgeting or find a pen and start with body arts, I tend to draw some flame like tattoos on the back side of my hand, boredom even gives rise to creativity, who could have ever thought of that, I wonder if a philosopher has already quoted that. If you are feeling down don't talk about it, to anyone, unless they notice it themselves, and again don't make it too obvious for others to read through, it's our problem we should rot in our misery, But I won't let you off without an advice, you just need to sit still clear your head and think of empty spaces in our head and just hit that space and think of a blank idea, for me I have this easy, I can think of absolutely nothing and stay like that for hour, I space out in my own world, Well if you want you can think of clouds and then slowly think of them disappearing. after the clouds have disappeared you might either feel light headed or feel like all tensions gone away. This is the problem of mine, I can start a blog but my endings they get messed up, there's so much of thinking going on in my head, I forget the end I thought for at the start of he blog, unlike my other "professional' blogging friend (only one of my friend Aditi)  I don't think I will write a blog today or have any previous plans on how it will go, I just sit in front of my laptop or PC and start pressing random buttons and before I know I'm writing a blog.

A lot of you might think most of my blog tittles don't match the blog content I'm writing, I just tend to put up something catchy and lure you into reading my post. the blog didn't start formally but I will give it a formal end.

THE END 

BREATHERS! (and random thoughts)

Hey!

Sorry for being so irregular in posting, I have recently shifted to the UK and currently living in South Shields area, I have already been here for a month. Life is good, I know now what is the difference between a miserable life and living life like kings, however I have already been through these 2 parts of my life here.

my head when it has empty voids.

Well I'm continuing this post after a week now, I only did the first para previously, I know I don't have much readers and most of my readers step on here by mistake, well now that I think about it, I write these blogs only as breather, to go out and let it all out, I'm writing this blog late at night, I have college tomorrow, I cannot gt a good sleep for now, maybe i'm all tensed bout how things will head on from here on. All kind of weird thoughts keep filling my head, why not try and complete this post I have kept there waiting for a week now, being surrounded by people and yet feeling alone may not be the worst kind of loneliness, think about it, would you like a complete stranger walk out to you and be all friendly? No, it would be just plain creepy, however that's how you make friends of people, we don't know most of the people that w call our "best-friends" by birth, we don't know your lover, your companion from birth, do we? Nah, the just pop out of blue, if you are single and thought about what your future other half might be doing now you would like to think that she might be out somewhere praying for the same, but no, she might be out there in some party or club getting drunk till she doesn't know where are here boots at and screwing random people(in case of a female consider it "he"). However, let me get back to what i was saying earlier, why do we feel alone when there are so many people around us? Well, I have been surrounded by my friends in the place I leave at now, I get my parents worried, I have people looking after me whom I like keeping safe and close to my heart( I'm talking about my friends, for people who don't  know I'm single). Yet I'm awake right now trying to figure out what is loneliness all about, I don't know might be I get the answer by the end of the post. If you ever read my blogs from the start post I guess it's "CHANGES", you will find out the whole blog is filled with most random crap you can ever find, however if you look close enough they also filled with my insecurities, whenever I'm tensed up I tend to space out and think of absolutely nothing, it's like an empty void in my head in my thoughts that I try to connect, but cannot think of anything, I was always this creepy kid who would usually space out, and I'm happy the people I know of accepted me as I was, I never wanted to be change myself for anyone, I still don't, it's just that someone would accept me the way I'm and still be accept the flaws in me, accept me as creepy, as boring, as dumb as I'm now, however this is not a dating site of any kind so why should I write this here, knowing that people won't even read it to this point(well if you did then, thank you, you too have a mental break down like me, Just kidding! or am I), I don't even know this what it is to be loved, and I'm leaving my teenage this coming March, I had some experience with it but, not the thrilling ones that made me go that she is the one, well, as a man I'm scared to talk to women, I do most random things when I'm with a girl of my interest, I talk gibberish when I try to talk to her, I would shit my pants if I'm with a girl and I had to cheat on her, and I'm a complete loser (not only my personality sucks but even my appearance suck balls). I look self obsessed when I talk about myself so much, but, these are my insecurities talking, this blog is more like a public diary to me to come in contact with the outer world that the introverted me cannot talk about.Well to tell you all the truth I have many ways to escape life as it is, I have Manga( my favorite breather), I have my Rubik's cube, I have my sketching skills, I have my car, I have my friends, and this blog(as my last resort). I don't  even know how long I can go on how crappy I'm and all the girls reading this post would be like"this guy doesn't even have a self respect or a a bit of confidence, I don't have any interest in this kind of guy", but girls think about it would a weak guy be able to accept the fact that he is full of shit and still feel the need to be wanted by someone, I guess no,maybe.

Well, so loneliness from what I figure out is a state of mind where crowd doesn't even matter anymore, you are in search of only a right person to look and accept you for what you are. At this point of time I don't know if someone has a liking towards me or not, I just space out thinking will there be anyone to accept me the way I'm' hopefully,yeah, will I be able to meet her before I mentally breakdown and lose hope, I don't know, it would be bad if I meet that girl after this point because she would have to build that hope in me once again that light flame that is going to die, she need to tun it into a fire again once I meet her, till then I would be the same fool trusting, helping, nitpicking and insecure man that I have ever been, just a little less into love. I guess it doesn't even make sense about what I'm writing about, does it? well goodnight and yaa please do read my earlier post though to know what I'm talking about.

LUNACY.....

Hey guys,

It's been a while, sorry for not being a frequent blogger, I write whenever i have something on my mind. I know I'm not one of the best writers out there, but believe it or not there are people out there who ask me to write and compliment me on my article. So now, have you ever found yourself in a situation where you are sick of playing a good guy, you start becoming like Joker from batman series, you just want to watch the world burn down to ash as you stomp all over it ? It's nothing bad to get your lunatic out of you every once in a while.

People cannot handle such lunacy coming out all of a sudden from people who were cool headed and have never seen them doing anything but help others, but trust me, these kind of people are having really hard time to put up this side of them in front of others as they want to get accepted by society. Why do I know so much about this ? Because I'm one of them, and things can get really scary when that side of them ever comes out, they will stop putting up with bull crap that society has to offer and will completely put their evil side in front of them, You can call them anything, outlaws, rebels, non-sociable person or even lunatic. Well being a lunatic isn't that bad after all as you finally get to be what you are without the worries of someone accepting you. Might be it's just an overview of them that makes you aware of these people. It mainly happens after taking a lot of crap of society and fitting in the fakes of society. Only if you could get close to them, you could see what actually they are made of inside beside their madness and intolerance towards fitting in a place. Well even lunacy has to know it's limits, you cannot go out there killing people not because it's not socially acceptable but mainly because it's wrong to take life of another being from same species, even though they are lowly life forms. No one is far from lunacy all it takes is an instant to decide that you are tired to put up with all crap to let that animal out in you. It's not bad you know ? to come out of a cage of good behavior and finally do what you are meant to, Humans are animals after all. 

Lunatics also have a strong opinion on life, Most of the people may say they emit a negative aura but it's not true, they have a aura same as a carnivore, Subtle and calm yet at same time ferocious. One of my favorite quote is from Roronoa Zoro (a character from One piece-anime and manga) "Have you ever seen a fierce animal you were sure would never bite? I haven't" a time will come when you have to let it out and make people fear you. 

HEAVEN'S LOST PROPERTY

Hello friends,

The time doesn't seem to matter when you are just waiting for something important to happen, you know that feeling right? well ya, something rather good happened to me (for a change), I passed my exams here after a hell of year. Now that I look back the time here wasn't that bad, I found how to be patient, made friends, got spoiled a bit well past is a past. 

A pic of Sora No Otoshimono

So people who read manga and watch anime might be knowing what the title is, yes it is the title of a manga and anime (for people who don't read and watch them the real name of the series is "Sora No Otoshimono"). It's about angel like being coming to the earth and getting attached to a certain unpopular guy on earth who likes peace and quite, it is really good title . Well, to get to the point, waiting for something and working towards it will get you to stuff you want, whether it is a gaming console or love or achievement in the work. It might not exactly be the same you know, but it will be something that makes you happy and satisfied. Everybody till now know that life is a path we walk on the decisions we make but there is so much more to life, you find reason to survive and walk on the path, you find that creates you in this world many more stuff. heavens up there purposely keep losing stuff that we find and keep it as our loved things, after all those lost property of heaven makes us happy, if you still haven't found something you treasure you will find it just keep looking and the day will come when everything will be fine. I know i'm being a bit too optimistic here but life has thought me to stop running behind useless thing and find something better. I still see people running for money for love for shitty things out there, But for me happiness was created by the titles I read in manga till now the anime I watched till now.

People just know that, having a world of your own is way better then living for sake of being known in the society. My dear readers if you are sad just know that the lost property of heavens that might suit you will be right there just keep looking for it, don't let go if you have found it, and treasure it, I will pray that everyone of you'll find it

THE NEW WORLD

Hello,

I have been active writing 3 consecutive post within few days. I have a lot of free time as I'm nearing my academic year end,and my laptop is with me here at hostel.the time sure seems to fly leaving no back trails of it passing by. These past seven months have showed me how the world works, good and worst about it.

I have read an article lately which my friend sent me some weeks back. It was about 'good guys' being the new 'ASSHOLES'(I'm sorry for using harsh words but...., This is what guys are defined for hurting a woman.),to my surprise I did agree to it that too to a great extent, because coming to think of it, being a good guy doesn't give you the license to bang every woman or date them. let me put it this way, a girl was hurt by a guy, you are there to provide her comfort make her feel good, and during the process you develop feelings for her, you become miserable and you tell her about your feelings, You are friend zoned, suddenly you hate her, all that work has been down to nothing. This is 'not' being a good guy, this is just acting like one to just get along with a girl.

I have an explanation for this, men maintain their distance after they have informed the woman about their feelings as they become a laughing material once they are turned down, this causes them to change their behavior. But think about it a real man knows how to take a rejection and eventually gets strong enough to laugh over it. woman should know, that it takes a lot of courage to come out and speak about feelings being a man, but we do it anyway.

If you think you are a good guy, don't turn into an asshole. Stick around her as friends because you started with her on terms of friendship not love. You being good with her doesn't make you the best choice, it is totally dependent on woman and woman herself. My woman readers please respect his feelings, it must have took every last muscle in his body just to ask you out and just a "NO"crushes every effort of his, propose a counter offer of being along and really being along with him. Please!.
Stop acting weird towards each other if this thing ever happens.

Just to conclude, I had given up on miracles, but this morning my friend told me that the hope trust and her believe in miracles has been restored by her love of life. She isn't even scared about her future (touch-wood). Don't lose hope my friends, if a miracle is supposed to happen it will happen and be sure someone is out there preparing to be the miracle for you.

LIES TOLD!

Hey guys,

I was just sitting at my bed in hostel when I had this weird thought,'how often do we lie to ourselves?'. It's pretty often. Something bad's gonna happen and still we tell ourselves that everything will be all right, You had a break up recently and you tell yourself you are completely over him/her, and best lie among all is "I DON'T CARE".

Why do we do this ? Why do we have to lie to ourselves when we are well aware of the truth? Lies comfort us that is why we do it. I personally hate the phrase "I would have respected you if you told the truth at my face", you all know why ? because if the truth was so easy to hear why would i lie at the first place?. I personally would appreciate someone who lied to me during the tough times, because He/she considered not making matters worse for me with coming up with bad news and bad stuff. people are also called off spoken if they are too straight forward with the situation.

I'm sorry, I don't want to sound angry. The point is, lies make you happy and it is an essential part of life, think about it, without lies would any would have survived till this far? People knocking down each other would be a pretty common scene. Well, there is a bright side to it, we would then be highly pain bearing species.

So, why do we hate the lies? It is simply because we don't want to feel like fools not knowing what really is going on. I cannot come up with any other reason other than this. Can you? please let me know too.

I don't side with lies on everything, sometimes truth should be told. There are essential times when lie is undoubtedly  superior to the truth but mostly the scale weighs other way round on lots of occasions. So, me siding with lies doesn't mean I don't wanna know the truth ever, but I wanna know the truth when times are better for me to listen and handle it.

LIFE GOES ON MEMORIES STAY.

Hey guys,

I have stayed away a lot from writing a new post, not only because I was busy in my studies and schedule were pretty tiring, but also because I didn't have anything to write about, until last week. My friend and I were punished because we ran out of a secret hide way in our college building and were caught. We were punished by not letting us out of the hostel for about 2 weeks (it was damn frustrating), I almost forgot how the roads looked like.... O.K I was just kidding, but ya I went a bit paranoid during last Friday and Saturday. So, here is what I'm going to write about, last week on Sunday I had to spend my whole day so I started to hear radio and as I like good old Hindi songs from 70's-90's I was stuck on a radio channel, a show was on, it was about a man saying stories and in between stories songs played according to the scene. I'm going to share one of the stories.

There was a girl(let's call her Priya) who used to work for an old-age home and she was greatly attracted towards a couple named Mr.and Mrs Joshi, they were in old-age home because they never had any kids and they were pretty old too. Priya loved spending time with the lovely couple,she was moved to see even in their 80's they loved each other like newly wed couple. One day she asked the couple how they met and fell in love, Mrs Joshi turned red and hid her face behind her palms, and Mr Joshi started the story leaving Mrs Joshi's  face even more red. Mr Joshi started his story," Back in days I used to be a doctor, The area in which my clinic was, Mrs Joshi lived there. One fine day I got a call from Mrs Joshi's dad calling me to his house as her daughter(Mrs Joshi) was ill. I left the clinic as soon as possible. I reached and asked her day where is the patient, He took me to her. Seeing Mrs Joshi I was awestruck, I never knew a lady could look so beautiful when they were ill. I diagnosed her and gave her the medicines for the illness. Even after I was back at my dispensary she was all over my head and after 2 days of day dreaming and restless nights I went to her house with a good reason was checking on the patient, I saw her dad telling stories to her and then I was informed that Mrs Joshi never took medicine until some one told her a story. I didn't waste anytime and asked Sasurji (Father in law) for Mrs Joshi's  hand. it's been 30 years now that she has been diagnosed with diabetes and I have to tell her stories ever since then". Priya didn't realize how late it was and had to leave for home. Even after Priya reached home she was thinking about how lovely the story was and even at this age they have managed to keep alive that young lover within them. Priya noticed it every day that Mrs Joshi would sing a Raag (type of Indian classical opera). One day Priya reached home and was given a news by her family that they were going to a hill station for a vacation, Priya was excited and even sad because she had to spend a week away from the couple. A week later when she reached back to the old-age home, she felt a gloom in that building she rushed to the couples room and saw the bed in a bad condition like someone had just woken up and didn't tidy the bed and saw Mrs Joshi standing in balcony, Priya approached to the bed and started to clean the bed mrs Joshi yelled at top of her voice,"LEAVE THAT BED ALONE, IT IS WHERE HE LAST SLEPT, LEAVE IT!!". Priya was in a shock with the news of Mr Joshi's death. Mr Singh who was in the next room informed Priya that Mr Joshi had a severe heart attack and passed away since then Mrs Joshi was in shock. Weeks passed by Mrs Joshi kept her busy through out the day but in night the loneliness took over it was like the wall was painted black with the memories of the loved one who left you in middle of the road of life, the night was spent in restless desire of holding back to the person who has went far, so far that you cannot reach him with your hands. Priya noticed this, one day she stayed back in night at the old age home, she bought the medicine to Mrs Joshi the medicine and as Mrs Joshi was about to have the medicine Priya asked"today you won't listen to a story ?". Mrs Joshi was stuck back in time after a moment of silence followed an answer "yes" accompanied with a tear of memories. Priya told the couple's story with some minor changes. Mrs Joshi then treated Priya with the same Raag that she sang for Mr Joshi. The voice which once had love and sweetness of the loved one turned in sadness and sorrow of the same person. The same Raag which once was like a Love song of summer was heard as if it was a heart broken sorrow of a bird. 

Life is something that goes on which I learned listening to this story trapped in the hostel room, and it turned out to be true no one waited for me nor the time paused when I was in there. Everything and everyone will move ahead in life, and if they choose to stay back in the memories and time they will just have that dust of time settled on them. Sometimes you should know that someone is not returning and you cannot do much about it, you just have to clan yourself off the dust get up and start moving on the road of life.

TRUE BATTLE

Hello guys,

My departure day nears and everything is just falling in place my but I fear I might not catch up with everything before 12th of this month. I have some major paper works pending that I will need in my near future. I spend most of the day running for it and rest of my day is spent either with my family or roaming about with friends or alone.

So talking about battles, everybody is fighting their battle. Everyone wakes up and finds themselves in yet another fight to survive, some people's fight are small (or appear to be), and some people's fight are big and every one around them can feel their pain, and some keep it personal by not letting it out. Some days seems your fight have been conquered and you let your guards down, and someday it seems your fight is everlasting and never gonna end. I know one thing for sure the battle you are on some or other day changes without even letting you know, you just grow so fed up of it that you don't even care to win over in that battle and just let it go.

Well, it's true that tough time shows true friends, But not everyone that sticks around is a friend and not everyone that shows you back is a backstabber. The people you see hung around you might just be there to push you towards worse and people who have turned you down might have just wore a mask to see you grow stronger and might be even helping from the backgrounds and you might not even know about it. So who do you trust at such times ? Answer is so simple, you should trust no one at such time, after all you are the best aid you can get. I know, I know, that these talks are easy to give and tough to do, but I have gone through this and yes in recent times. It is tough, but possible you know. It is just a part of growing up I guess.

Battles are never over, If you look closely you might have already took on a new one by now or one is just waiting for you in your near future. BEST OF LUCK for it.