LET ME SHOW YOU.

Lets start this post with no formal greetings today, we all know that you're on this blog for the first time, well a couple o days back I posted about my insecurities and bull-crap, and it seems it got better views than I thought of, might be I'm hallucinating things but posting about my insecurities have got me more views rather than posting something useful, well I'm gambling on this one here and not posting about what my life is like and other crap like that. I just wanted to be on my blog for a while I guess, I'm off on a break from college and have about an hour for the exams,

PEN WORK ON MY HAND 

I don't know what exactly I'm writing about though, but I was feeling tired of sitting quiet, what do you do when you just have to sit quiet and mind your own business, for a little amount of time it seems fine but after a while it gets frustrating, you just need to put something out of your mouth even though it is just gibberish that comes out of mouth, well to make my quiet times to be more bearable I spend my time reading manga or on just on internet searching random things or even listen to songs(even though I have been through my playlist a thousand times), but yeah it gets frustrating from time to time, but if you think about it, it's not that bad, to have your own time, because I'm one such person that will have a chat with myself when I have to keep quiet. I don't admit it, but I have a really screwed up personality, I cannot handle crowds well, I don't like people staring at me, or even looking at me when it comes to that, but I don't like complete isolation either I tend to get worked up when I'm left alone. I also cannot stay without a single work to do, I cannot sit idle, i tend to get worked up and start to fidget with things that lie around me (and somehow every single one of them ends broken or damaged). I have found my ways to settle my down with it. If you have a condition like mine you should do what you are more comfortable with for a short time and later switch it with what you are less comfortable with, why change ? well lets admit it if you get too much of something you get bored of it, sooner or later, for like me I first stay alone for hours and then i switch over by going for a walk or sitting around in a place where I can see other human beings or play with my pets when I was back home. For if you have a complexity like me of fidgeting with things or planing to be the ruler of the world or ending it, I suggest you there is not much I can help with this, but i tend to read manga when i feel the need of fidgeting or find a pen and start with body arts, I tend to draw some flame like tattoos on the back side of my hand, boredom even gives rise to creativity, who could have ever thought of that, I wonder if a philosopher has already quoted that. If you are feeling down don't talk about it, to anyone, unless they notice it themselves, and again don't make it too obvious for others to read through, it's our problem we should rot in our misery, But I won't let you off without an advice, you just need to sit still clear your head and think of empty spaces in our head and just hit that space and think of a blank idea, for me I have this easy, I can think of absolutely nothing and stay like that for hour, I space out in my own world, Well if you want you can think of clouds and then slowly think of them disappearing. after the clouds have disappeared you might either feel light headed or feel like all tensions gone away. This is the problem of mine, I can start a blog but my endings they get messed up, there's so much of thinking going on in my head, I forget the end I thought for at the start of he blog, unlike my other "professional' blogging friend (only one of my friend Aditi)  I don't think I will write a blog today or have any previous plans on how it will go, I just sit in front of my laptop or PC and start pressing random buttons and before I know I'm writing a blog.

A lot of you might think most of my blog tittles don't match the blog content I'm writing, I just tend to put up something catchy and lure you into reading my post. the blog didn't start formally but I will give it a formal end.

THE END 

BREATHERS! (and random thoughts)

Hey!

Sorry for being so irregular in posting, I have recently shifted to the UK and currently living in South Shields area, I have already been here for a month. Life is good, I know now what is the difference between a miserable life and living life like kings, however I have already been through these 2 parts of my life here.

my head when it has empty voids.

Well I'm continuing this post after a week now, I only did the first para previously, I know I don't have much readers and most of my readers step on here by mistake, well now that I think about it, I write these blogs only as breather, to go out and let it all out, I'm writing this blog late at night, I have college tomorrow, I cannot gt a good sleep for now, maybe i'm all tensed bout how things will head on from here on. All kind of weird thoughts keep filling my head, why not try and complete this post I have kept there waiting for a week now, being surrounded by people and yet feeling alone may not be the worst kind of loneliness, think about it, would you like a complete stranger walk out to you and be all friendly? No, it would be just plain creepy, however that's how you make friends of people, we don't know most of the people that w call our "best-friends" by birth, we don't know your lover, your companion from birth, do we? Nah, the just pop out of blue, if you are single and thought about what your future other half might be doing now you would like to think that she might be out somewhere praying for the same, but no, she might be out there in some party or club getting drunk till she doesn't know where are here boots at and screwing random people(in case of a female consider it "he"). However, let me get back to what i was saying earlier, why do we feel alone when there are so many people around us? Well, I have been surrounded by my friends in the place I leave at now, I get my parents worried, I have people looking after me whom I like keeping safe and close to my heart( I'm talking about my friends, for people who don't  know I'm single). Yet I'm awake right now trying to figure out what is loneliness all about, I don't know might be I get the answer by the end of the post. If you ever read my blogs from the start post I guess it's "CHANGES", you will find out the whole blog is filled with most random crap you can ever find, however if you look close enough they also filled with my insecurities, whenever I'm tensed up I tend to space out and think of absolutely nothing, it's like an empty void in my head in my thoughts that I try to connect, but cannot think of anything, I was always this creepy kid who would usually space out, and I'm happy the people I know of accepted me as I was, I never wanted to be change myself for anyone, I still don't, it's just that someone would accept me the way I'm and still be accept the flaws in me, accept me as creepy, as boring, as dumb as I'm now, however this is not a dating site of any kind so why should I write this here, knowing that people won't even read it to this point(well if you did then, thank you, you too have a mental break down like me, Just kidding! or am I), I don't even know this what it is to be loved, and I'm leaving my teenage this coming March, I had some experience with it but, not the thrilling ones that made me go that she is the one, well, as a man I'm scared to talk to women, I do most random things when I'm with a girl of my interest, I talk gibberish when I try to talk to her, I would shit my pants if I'm with a girl and I had to cheat on her, and I'm a complete loser (not only my personality sucks but even my appearance suck balls). I look self obsessed when I talk about myself so much, but, these are my insecurities talking, this blog is more like a public diary to me to come in contact with the outer world that the introverted me cannot talk about.Well to tell you all the truth I have many ways to escape life as it is, I have Manga( my favorite breather), I have my Rubik's cube, I have my sketching skills, I have my car, I have my friends, and this blog(as my last resort). I don't  even know how long I can go on how crappy I'm and all the girls reading this post would be like"this guy doesn't even have a self respect or a a bit of confidence, I don't have any interest in this kind of guy", but girls think about it would a weak guy be able to accept the fact that he is full of shit and still feel the need to be wanted by someone, I guess no,maybe.

Well, so loneliness from what I figure out is a state of mind where crowd doesn't even matter anymore, you are in search of only a right person to look and accept you for what you are. At this point of time I don't know if someone has a liking towards me or not, I just space out thinking will there be anyone to accept me the way I'm' hopefully,yeah, will I be able to meet her before I mentally breakdown and lose hope, I don't know, it would be bad if I meet that girl after this point because she would have to build that hope in me once again that light flame that is going to die, she need to tun it into a fire again once I meet her, till then I would be the same fool trusting, helping, nitpicking and insecure man that I have ever been, just a little less into love. I guess it doesn't even make sense about what I'm writing about, does it? well goodnight and yaa please do read my earlier post though to know what I'm talking about.