BREATHERS! (and random thoughts)

Hey!

Sorry for being so irregular in posting, I have recently shifted to the UK and currently living in South Shields area, I have already been here for a month. Life is good, I know now what is the difference between a miserable life and living life like kings, however I have already been through these 2 parts of my life here.

my head when it has empty voids.

Well I'm continuing this post after a week now, I only did the first para previously, I know I don't have much readers and most of my readers step on here by mistake, well now that I think about it, I write these blogs only as breather, to go out and let it all out, I'm writing this blog late at night, I have college tomorrow, I cannot gt a good sleep for now, maybe i'm all tensed bout how things will head on from here on. All kind of weird thoughts keep filling my head, why not try and complete this post I have kept there waiting for a week now, being surrounded by people and yet feeling alone may not be the worst kind of loneliness, think about it, would you like a complete stranger walk out to you and be all friendly? No, it would be just plain creepy, however that's how you make friends of people, we don't know most of the people that w call our "best-friends" by birth, we don't know your lover, your companion from birth, do we? Nah, the just pop out of blue, if you are single and thought about what your future other half might be doing now you would like to think that she might be out somewhere praying for the same, but no, she might be out there in some party or club getting drunk till she doesn't know where are here boots at and screwing random people(in case of a female consider it "he"). However, let me get back to what i was saying earlier, why do we feel alone when there are so many people around us? Well, I have been surrounded by my friends in the place I leave at now, I get my parents worried, I have people looking after me whom I like keeping safe and close to my heart( I'm talking about my friends, for people who don't  know I'm single). Yet I'm awake right now trying to figure out what is loneliness all about, I don't know might be I get the answer by the end of the post. If you ever read my blogs from the start post I guess it's "CHANGES", you will find out the whole blog is filled with most random crap you can ever find, however if you look close enough they also filled with my insecurities, whenever I'm tensed up I tend to space out and think of absolutely nothing, it's like an empty void in my head in my thoughts that I try to connect, but cannot think of anything, I was always this creepy kid who would usually space out, and I'm happy the people I know of accepted me as I was, I never wanted to be change myself for anyone, I still don't, it's just that someone would accept me the way I'm and still be accept the flaws in me, accept me as creepy, as boring, as dumb as I'm now, however this is not a dating site of any kind so why should I write this here, knowing that people won't even read it to this point(well if you did then, thank you, you too have a mental break down like me, Just kidding! or am I), I don't even know this what it is to be loved, and I'm leaving my teenage this coming March, I had some experience with it but, not the thrilling ones that made me go that she is the one, well, as a man I'm scared to talk to women, I do most random things when I'm with a girl of my interest, I talk gibberish when I try to talk to her, I would shit my pants if I'm with a girl and I had to cheat on her, and I'm a complete loser (not only my personality sucks but even my appearance suck balls). I look self obsessed when I talk about myself so much, but, these are my insecurities talking, this blog is more like a public diary to me to come in contact with the outer world that the introverted me cannot talk about.Well to tell you all the truth I have many ways to escape life as it is, I have Manga( my favorite breather), I have my Rubik's cube, I have my sketching skills, I have my car, I have my friends, and this blog(as my last resort). I don't  even know how long I can go on how crappy I'm and all the girls reading this post would be like"this guy doesn't even have a self respect or a a bit of confidence, I don't have any interest in this kind of guy", but girls think about it would a weak guy be able to accept the fact that he is full of shit and still feel the need to be wanted by someone, I guess no,maybe.

Well, so loneliness from what I figure out is a state of mind where crowd doesn't even matter anymore, you are in search of only a right person to look and accept you for what you are. At this point of time I don't know if someone has a liking towards me or not, I just space out thinking will there be anyone to accept me the way I'm' hopefully,yeah, will I be able to meet her before I mentally breakdown and lose hope, I don't know, it would be bad if I meet that girl after this point because she would have to build that hope in me once again that light flame that is going to die, she need to tun it into a fire again once I meet her, till then I would be the same fool trusting, helping, nitpicking and insecure man that I have ever been, just a little less into love. I guess it doesn't even make sense about what I'm writing about, does it? well goodnight and yaa please do read my earlier post though to know what I'm talking about.