LUNACY.....

Hey guys,

It's been a while, sorry for not being a frequent blogger, I write whenever i have something on my mind. I know I'm not one of the best writers out there, but believe it or not there are people out there who ask me to write and compliment me on my article. So now, have you ever found yourself in a situation where you are sick of playing a good guy, you start becoming like Joker from batman series, you just want to watch the world burn down to ash as you stomp all over it ? It's nothing bad to get your lunatic out of you every once in a while.

People cannot handle such lunacy coming out all of a sudden from people who were cool headed and have never seen them doing anything but help others, but trust me, these kind of people are having really hard time to put up this side of them in front of others as they want to get accepted by society. Why do I know so much about this ? Because I'm one of them, and things can get really scary when that side of them ever comes out, they will stop putting up with bull crap that society has to offer and will completely put their evil side in front of them, You can call them anything, outlaws, rebels, non-sociable person or even lunatic. Well being a lunatic isn't that bad after all as you finally get to be what you are without the worries of someone accepting you. Might be it's just an overview of them that makes you aware of these people. It mainly happens after taking a lot of crap of society and fitting in the fakes of society. Only if you could get close to them, you could see what actually they are made of inside beside their madness and intolerance towards fitting in a place. Well even lunacy has to know it's limits, you cannot go out there killing people not because it's not socially acceptable but mainly because it's wrong to take life of another being from same species, even though they are lowly life forms. No one is far from lunacy all it takes is an instant to decide that you are tired to put up with all crap to let that animal out in you. It's not bad you know ? to come out of a cage of good behavior and finally do what you are meant to, Humans are animals after all. 

Lunatics also have a strong opinion on life, Most of the people may say they emit a negative aura but it's not true, they have a aura same as a carnivore, Subtle and calm yet at same time ferocious. One of my favorite quote is from Roronoa Zoro (a character from One piece-anime and manga) "Have you ever seen a fierce animal you were sure would never bite? I haven't" a time will come when you have to let it out and make people fear you. 

HEAVEN'S LOST PROPERTY

Hello friends,

The time doesn't seem to matter when you are just waiting for something important to happen, you know that feeling right? well ya, something rather good happened to me (for a change), I passed my exams here after a hell of year. Now that I look back the time here wasn't that bad, I found how to be patient, made friends, got spoiled a bit well past is a past. 

A pic of Sora No Otoshimono

So people who read manga and watch anime might be knowing what the title is, yes it is the title of a manga and anime (for people who don't read and watch them the real name of the series is "Sora No Otoshimono"). It's about angel like being coming to the earth and getting attached to a certain unpopular guy on earth who likes peace and quite, it is really good title . Well, to get to the point, waiting for something and working towards it will get you to stuff you want, whether it is a gaming console or love or achievement in the work. It might not exactly be the same you know, but it will be something that makes you happy and satisfied. Everybody till now know that life is a path we walk on the decisions we make but there is so much more to life, you find reason to survive and walk on the path, you find that creates you in this world many more stuff. heavens up there purposely keep losing stuff that we find and keep it as our loved things, after all those lost property of heaven makes us happy, if you still haven't found something you treasure you will find it just keep looking and the day will come when everything will be fine. I know i'm being a bit too optimistic here but life has thought me to stop running behind useless thing and find something better. I still see people running for money for love for shitty things out there, But for me happiness was created by the titles I read in manga till now the anime I watched till now.

People just know that, having a world of your own is way better then living for sake of being known in the society. My dear readers if you are sad just know that the lost property of heavens that might suit you will be right there just keep looking for it, don't let go if you have found it, and treasure it, I will pray that everyone of you'll find it

THE NEW WORLD

Hello,

I have been active writing 3 consecutive post within few days. I have a lot of free time as I'm nearing my academic year end,and my laptop is with me here at hostel.the time sure seems to fly leaving no back trails of it passing by. These past seven months have showed me how the world works, good and worst about it.

I have read an article lately which my friend sent me some weeks back. It was about 'good guys' being the new 'ASSHOLES'(I'm sorry for using harsh words but...., This is what guys are defined for hurting a woman.),to my surprise I did agree to it that too to a great extent, because coming to think of it, being a good guy doesn't give you the license to bang every woman or date them. let me put it this way, a girl was hurt by a guy, you are there to provide her comfort make her feel good, and during the process you develop feelings for her, you become miserable and you tell her about your feelings, You are friend zoned, suddenly you hate her, all that work has been down to nothing. This is 'not' being a good guy, this is just acting like one to just get along with a girl.

I have an explanation for this, men maintain their distance after they have informed the woman about their feelings as they become a laughing material once they are turned down, this causes them to change their behavior. But think about it a real man knows how to take a rejection and eventually gets strong enough to laugh over it. woman should know, that it takes a lot of courage to come out and speak about feelings being a man, but we do it anyway.

If you think you are a good guy, don't turn into an asshole. Stick around her as friends because you started with her on terms of friendship not love. You being good with her doesn't make you the best choice, it is totally dependent on woman and woman herself. My woman readers please respect his feelings, it must have took every last muscle in his body just to ask you out and just a "NO"crushes every effort of his, propose a counter offer of being along and really being along with him. Please!.
Stop acting weird towards each other if this thing ever happens.

Just to conclude, I had given up on miracles, but this morning my friend told me that the hope trust and her believe in miracles has been restored by her love of life. She isn't even scared about her future (touch-wood). Don't lose hope my friends, if a miracle is supposed to happen it will happen and be sure someone is out there preparing to be the miracle for you.

LIES TOLD!

Hey guys,

I was just sitting at my bed in hostel when I had this weird thought,'how often do we lie to ourselves?'. It's pretty often. Something bad's gonna happen and still we tell ourselves that everything will be all right, You had a break up recently and you tell yourself you are completely over him/her, and best lie among all is "I DON'T CARE".

Why do we do this ? Why do we have to lie to ourselves when we are well aware of the truth? Lies comfort us that is why we do it. I personally hate the phrase "I would have respected you if you told the truth at my face", you all know why ? because if the truth was so easy to hear why would i lie at the first place?. I personally would appreciate someone who lied to me during the tough times, because He/she considered not making matters worse for me with coming up with bad news and bad stuff. people are also called off spoken if they are too straight forward with the situation.

I'm sorry, I don't want to sound angry. The point is, lies make you happy and it is an essential part of life, think about it, without lies would any would have survived till this far? People knocking down each other would be a pretty common scene. Well, there is a bright side to it, we would then be highly pain bearing species.

So, why do we hate the lies? It is simply because we don't want to feel like fools not knowing what really is going on. I cannot come up with any other reason other than this. Can you? please let me know too.

I don't side with lies on everything, sometimes truth should be told. There are essential times when lie is undoubtedly  superior to the truth but mostly the scale weighs other way round on lots of occasions. So, me siding with lies doesn't mean I don't wanna know the truth ever, but I wanna know the truth when times are better for me to listen and handle it.

LIFE GOES ON MEMORIES STAY.

Hey guys,

I have stayed away a lot from writing a new post, not only because I was busy in my studies and schedule were pretty tiring, but also because I didn't have anything to write about, until last week. My friend and I were punished because we ran out of a secret hide way in our college building and were caught. We were punished by not letting us out of the hostel for about 2 weeks (it was damn frustrating), I almost forgot how the roads looked like.... O.K I was just kidding, but ya I went a bit paranoid during last Friday and Saturday. So, here is what I'm going to write about, last week on Sunday I had to spend my whole day so I started to hear radio and as I like good old Hindi songs from 70's-90's I was stuck on a radio channel, a show was on, it was about a man saying stories and in between stories songs played according to the scene. I'm going to share one of the stories.

There was a girl(let's call her Priya) who used to work for an old-age home and she was greatly attracted towards a couple named Mr.and Mrs Joshi, they were in old-age home because they never had any kids and they were pretty old too. Priya loved spending time with the lovely couple,she was moved to see even in their 80's they loved each other like newly wed couple. One day she asked the couple how they met and fell in love, Mrs Joshi turned red and hid her face behind her palms, and Mr Joshi started the story leaving Mrs Joshi's  face even more red. Mr Joshi started his story," Back in days I used to be a doctor, The area in which my clinic was, Mrs Joshi lived there. One fine day I got a call from Mrs Joshi's dad calling me to his house as her daughter(Mrs Joshi) was ill. I left the clinic as soon as possible. I reached and asked her day where is the patient, He took me to her. Seeing Mrs Joshi I was awestruck, I never knew a lady could look so beautiful when they were ill. I diagnosed her and gave her the medicines for the illness. Even after I was back at my dispensary she was all over my head and after 2 days of day dreaming and restless nights I went to her house with a good reason was checking on the patient, I saw her dad telling stories to her and then I was informed that Mrs Joshi never took medicine until some one told her a story. I didn't waste anytime and asked Sasurji (Father in law) for Mrs Joshi's  hand. it's been 30 years now that she has been diagnosed with diabetes and I have to tell her stories ever since then". Priya didn't realize how late it was and had to leave for home. Even after Priya reached home she was thinking about how lovely the story was and even at this age they have managed to keep alive that young lover within them. Priya noticed it every day that Mrs Joshi would sing a Raag (type of Indian classical opera). One day Priya reached home and was given a news by her family that they were going to a hill station for a vacation, Priya was excited and even sad because she had to spend a week away from the couple. A week later when she reached back to the old-age home, she felt a gloom in that building she rushed to the couples room and saw the bed in a bad condition like someone had just woken up and didn't tidy the bed and saw Mrs Joshi standing in balcony, Priya approached to the bed and started to clean the bed mrs Joshi yelled at top of her voice,"LEAVE THAT BED ALONE, IT IS WHERE HE LAST SLEPT, LEAVE IT!!". Priya was in a shock with the news of Mr Joshi's death. Mr Singh who was in the next room informed Priya that Mr Joshi had a severe heart attack and passed away since then Mrs Joshi was in shock. Weeks passed by Mrs Joshi kept her busy through out the day but in night the loneliness took over it was like the wall was painted black with the memories of the loved one who left you in middle of the road of life, the night was spent in restless desire of holding back to the person who has went far, so far that you cannot reach him with your hands. Priya noticed this, one day she stayed back in night at the old age home, she bought the medicine to Mrs Joshi the medicine and as Mrs Joshi was about to have the medicine Priya asked"today you won't listen to a story ?". Mrs Joshi was stuck back in time after a moment of silence followed an answer "yes" accompanied with a tear of memories. Priya told the couple's story with some minor changes. Mrs Joshi then treated Priya with the same Raag that she sang for Mr Joshi. The voice which once had love and sweetness of the loved one turned in sadness and sorrow of the same person. The same Raag which once was like a Love song of summer was heard as if it was a heart broken sorrow of a bird. 

Life is something that goes on which I learned listening to this story trapped in the hostel room, and it turned out to be true no one waited for me nor the time paused when I was in there. Everything and everyone will move ahead in life, and if they choose to stay back in the memories and time they will just have that dust of time settled on them. Sometimes you should know that someone is not returning and you cannot do much about it, you just have to clan yourself off the dust get up and start moving on the road of life.

TRUE BATTLE

Hello guys,

My departure day nears and everything is just falling in place my but I fear I might not catch up with everything before 12th of this month. I have some major paper works pending that I will need in my near future. I spend most of the day running for it and rest of my day is spent either with my family or roaming about with friends or alone.

So talking about battles, everybody is fighting their battle. Everyone wakes up and finds themselves in yet another fight to survive, some people's fight are small (or appear to be), and some people's fight are big and every one around them can feel their pain, and some keep it personal by not letting it out. Some days seems your fight have been conquered and you let your guards down, and someday it seems your fight is everlasting and never gonna end. I know one thing for sure the battle you are on some or other day changes without even letting you know, you just grow so fed up of it that you don't even care to win over in that battle and just let it go.

Well, it's true that tough time shows true friends, But not everyone that sticks around is a friend and not everyone that shows you back is a backstabber. The people you see hung around you might just be there to push you towards worse and people who have turned you down might have just wore a mask to see you grow stronger and might be even helping from the backgrounds and you might not even know about it. So who do you trust at such times ? Answer is so simple, you should trust no one at such time, after all you are the best aid you can get. I know, I know, that these talks are easy to give and tough to do, but I have gone through this and yes in recent times. It is tough, but possible you know. It is just a part of growing up I guess.

Battles are never over, If you look closely you might have already took on a new one by now or one is just waiting for you in your near future. BEST OF LUCK for it.

SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER

Hello there,

A long time since my last update ain't it ? I have been stuck up with paper works for my college from last 2 weeks, and what was I busy with earlier you ask ? It was actually nothing. I was just chasing after something which I always knew would never be mine, However it wasn't all a loss you know, I actually got pretty close to it until I was pushed away by my  goal itself. So I might consider a win win situation. I got some wisdom outta it and felt closest to my goal even though I never got it. Anyways I will get started on my topic now.

I have been an enigma to myself almost all my life. Even in my blogging history I have mentioned many many times that I want to change myself. I actually tried doing it, well the results weren't quite fruitful. I ended up losing myself, I questioned my own existence, I actually became a blank page again which I was sent like when I was born. Solitude always suited me. I never even got mixed with my family even though they are one of those who are closest to me. I never talk much to people except that one person, ya the same person who was my goal. I let down all my guards and she actually knows the most about me more than my family or any other friends. I was a complete different person with her, I was "ME". I found myself in a conquest to win her over however, I lost the conquest but, I found myself, the ME that suited me the best. I didn't need to change the me I'm. The rejection surely hit me hard and made me go down on my knees, and I won't say that I will move on that easily but, I found myself that has made me a bit confident it will surely take a shorter duration this time. I might even shower the girl whom I love next with all my love she deserves. I find it rather funny to say that I'm all alone again after these 3 months. I guess, I should have known better because even when I fell for her one and half year ago I knew we weren't meant to be together and today that I have understood it all I wish is her happiness and good life after all she will always be my best friend because I know there is something awesome waiting for me around the corner or at least I can hope for it, till then I will just wear this mask of mine that I'm left with(i.e smile).Talking about awesome, my college are gonna start on September 12th the gets me all psyched up.

Well all I want to say at last is there is no need to change yourself no, need at all you will be at peace of mind if you just accept yourself rather then get on a conquest to be something else. I learned it the hard way and I bet even you will cause you won't understand if you are on a fight with yourself, at the end you will just be smacked in face with reality and you will end up with whom you are the real "YOU".

YET AGAIN !!!!

Hey guys!

Well there are some good news and some bad ones(seems bad news never leave my life).I got my admission in marine engineering and I am damn excited and looking forward to start with course on September 8th. I would be in an hostel for a year and abroad for second year of college. Seems pretty amazing opportunity. So here are good news.

My reaction on my stupidity.

I have been feeling gloomy for past 2 weeks. I have to leave my parents for 2 years which is the longest I will be away from them. Even they seem to be excited and sad at same time. Does it feel this way always ? when you get something good. To mess up the situation pretty more for me I proposed a best friend of mine whom  I have a crush on from past 1.5 years. Knowing I don't stand a chance with her as she already has a boyfriend. I confessed about my feels in a moment of anger because of a twat because of whom she and I were fighting. I was holding on to the feels pretty well before it was out of bag. Then on a crazy night I proposed her (kill me). I don't know why even in college and even now,If I could open up a vein and bleed her smile out I would do that. Well, the good thing is that she did NOT stop talking. Seeing her messed up in feelings I decided one of the toughest decisions I ever took.I decided not to disturb her any more and forwarded my hand of friendship and asked her to me be my best friend. I realize it is hard and just wanna tell this thing to her. Aand I messed it again and said everything to her AGAIN!. Well, I can't stay away from her. I can't withstand the idea of her going away even though she was never mine.

If you are reading this post and are a parent of a child please make him/her read this post and tell them never ever be this guy.

Well I guess this is life we have to let our favorite things slip by,just to see it happy,even though it hurts you have to.

DEFEATED

Hey guys,

(warning:is extremely emotional as hell,not looking for sympathy,just wanna put it out there)

Got my results today,passed out in all subjects,but I never felt this defeated in my whole life.My family supported me through out the time.Even after results they are the same person as they were before,even my friends supported me through all this.

I got percentage in 50's which is as good as fail.Indian education system say's I need to get at least 60% to get in my desired career.I never felt this defeated.The feeling can be put up as an analogy"won the war,but still defeated".Not only studies I suck in all paths of my life now,I could never be a good son,nor a good friend.I asked for god only two things,and he seem's to have bared me of both of them.

Well time calls for war,and determined not to lose this time.

may god grant me my wishes and make me strong through the wait.