TRUE BATTLE

Hello guys,

My departure day nears and everything is just falling in place my but I fear I might not catch up with everything before 12th of this month. I have some major paper works pending that I will need in my near future. I spend most of the day running for it and rest of my day is spent either with my family or roaming about with friends or alone.

So talking about battles, everybody is fighting their battle. Everyone wakes up and finds themselves in yet another fight to survive, some people's fight are small (or appear to be), and some people's fight are big and every one around them can feel their pain, and some keep it personal by not letting it out. Some days seems your fight have been conquered and you let your guards down, and someday it seems your fight is everlasting and never gonna end. I know one thing for sure the battle you are on some or other day changes without even letting you know, you just grow so fed up of it that you don't even care to win over in that battle and just let it go.

Well, it's true that tough time shows true friends, But not everyone that sticks around is a friend and not everyone that shows you back is a backstabber. The people you see hung around you might just be there to push you towards worse and people who have turned you down might have just wore a mask to see you grow stronger and might be even helping from the backgrounds and you might not even know about it. So who do you trust at such times ? Answer is so simple, you should trust no one at such time, after all you are the best aid you can get. I know, I know, that these talks are easy to give and tough to do, but I have gone through this and yes in recent times. It is tough, but possible you know. It is just a part of growing up I guess.

Battles are never over, If you look closely you might have already took on a new one by now or one is just waiting for you in your near future. BEST OF LUCK for it.

SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER

Hello there,

A long time since my last update ain't it ? I have been stuck up with paper works for my college from last 2 weeks, and what was I busy with earlier you ask ? It was actually nothing. I was just chasing after something which I always knew would never be mine, However it wasn't all a loss you know, I actually got pretty close to it until I was pushed away by my  goal itself. So I might consider a win win situation. I got some wisdom outta it and felt closest to my goal even though I never got it. Anyways I will get started on my topic now.

I have been an enigma to myself almost all my life. Even in my blogging history I have mentioned many many times that I want to change myself. I actually tried doing it, well the results weren't quite fruitful. I ended up losing myself, I questioned my own existence, I actually became a blank page again which I was sent like when I was born. Solitude always suited me. I never even got mixed with my family even though they are one of those who are closest to me. I never talk much to people except that one person, ya the same person who was my goal. I let down all my guards and she actually knows the most about me more than my family or any other friends. I was a complete different person with her, I was "ME". I found myself in a conquest to win her over however, I lost the conquest but, I found myself, the ME that suited me the best. I didn't need to change the me I'm. The rejection surely hit me hard and made me go down on my knees, and I won't say that I will move on that easily but, I found myself that has made me a bit confident it will surely take a shorter duration this time. I might even shower the girl whom I love next with all my love she deserves. I find it rather funny to say that I'm all alone again after these 3 months. I guess, I should have known better because even when I fell for her one and half year ago I knew we weren't meant to be together and today that I have understood it all I wish is her happiness and good life after all she will always be my best friend because I know there is something awesome waiting for me around the corner or at least I can hope for it, till then I will just wear this mask of mine that I'm left with(i.e smile).Talking about awesome, my college are gonna start on September 12th the gets me all psyched up.

Well all I want to say at last is there is no need to change yourself no, need at all you will be at peace of mind if you just accept yourself rather then get on a conquest to be something else. I learned it the hard way and I bet even you will cause you won't understand if you are on a fight with yourself, at the end you will just be smacked in face with reality and you will end up with whom you are the real "YOU".

YET AGAIN !!!!

Hey guys!

Well there are some good news and some bad ones(seems bad news never leave my life).I got my admission in marine engineering and I am damn excited and looking forward to start with course on September 8th. I would be in an hostel for a year and abroad for second year of college. Seems pretty amazing opportunity. So here are good news.

My reaction on my stupidity.

I have been feeling gloomy for past 2 weeks. I have to leave my parents for 2 years which is the longest I will be away from them. Even they seem to be excited and sad at same time. Does it feel this way always ? when you get something good. To mess up the situation pretty more for me I proposed a best friend of mine whom  I have a crush on from past 1.5 years. Knowing I don't stand a chance with her as she already has a boyfriend. I confessed about my feels in a moment of anger because of a twat because of whom she and I were fighting. I was holding on to the feels pretty well before it was out of bag. Then on a crazy night I proposed her (kill me). I don't know why even in college and even now,If I could open up a vein and bleed her smile out I would do that. Well, the good thing is that she did NOT stop talking. Seeing her messed up in feelings I decided one of the toughest decisions I ever took.I decided not to disturb her any more and forwarded my hand of friendship and asked her to me be my best friend. I realize it is hard and just wanna tell this thing to her. Aand I messed it again and said everything to her AGAIN!. Well, I can't stay away from her. I can't withstand the idea of her going away even though she was never mine.

If you are reading this post and are a parent of a child please make him/her read this post and tell them never ever be this guy.

Well I guess this is life we have to let our favorite things slip by,just to see it happy,even though it hurts you have to.

DEFEATED

Hey guys,

(warning:is extremely emotional as hell,not looking for sympathy,just wanna put it out there)

Got my results today,passed out in all subjects,but I never felt this defeated in my whole life.My family supported me through out the time.Even after results they are the same person as they were before,even my friends supported me through all this.

I got percentage in 50's which is as good as fail.Indian education system say's I need to get at least 60% to get in my desired career.I never felt this defeated.The feeling can be put up as an analogy"won the war,but still defeated".Not only studies I suck in all paths of my life now,I could never be a good son,nor a good friend.I asked for god only two things,and he seem's to have bared me of both of them.

Well time calls for war,and determined not to lose this time.

may god grant me my wishes and make me strong through the wait.

WON'T BACK DOWN.

Hola !!

Last few days were of utter nonsense.I never had such mixed feelings for the same person all at once. Argh! chuck it first the good news. I got a new ride and I ain't getting to ride it. The reason you ask ? it's because my mom and dad blame me for the bad condition of my last ride phoenix, but same old me I find the keys and take it for a roll once a while.

Now I was saying the feels thing right? so I was saying that I never had such mixed feelings for the same person. I want to love it and at the same time strangle it and watch it die. So the best I could do was a self intervention (cause my friends won't do it for me). After some expert advice from me to me, I opted to not tell her my feelings of love and keep it hidden in me.Now starts the hate part I had a bit of a fight with her a couple of days back and called it quits,So I'm determined to not to have any  conversation with her, But stupid mind always keeps saying me text or at least say  a "HI" to her. wish this coming out and asking up things were made easy to say for a person like me.

Anyways there be people, no people I'm happy and ain't giving a damn now. So (drum rolls) here is the new me which is basically the old me because I ain't changing no more .

LUCKY OR NOT?

Heyyo guys,

whaaaddup? Must be something really good.It's just getting more awesome for.With 5 days (or less) remaining for the day getting all my lost enthusiasm back running in me.Today morning I was playing cricket where I got in a debate with a kiddo.So the debate started when my friend just missed the boundary by inches and mourned "Kya yaar kismat hi kharab hai!"(translation:My luck is bad) and kiddo added there is nothing like luck it's just you.I too got deep in thought process.

So Is there really something called luck? Or is it just really you?
Well call me superstitious or dumb I do believe in luck, It works in all unbelievable ways for me.Life is just a little of what luck has granted us, don't believe me? Think for yourself there might have been stronger or more deserving than you on what place you are right now(relationships,work,academics,games) but it came to you or handed to you. For people who say "no there wasn't any such person" you are lying to yourself there was definitely a name that just popped up when you read it.So luck does exist but it always does for good think again aren't you making a good out was what you are or what you have ?

LUCK just helps you get what you want and then it's all on you how you play the cards like I once quoted
"Life is a gamble,to put it all out or not,is your choice,but wining or losing is not your choice,that depends on you playing right cards a a little pinch of luck".

May be(not rolling out all options),luck is not real,It's just you acting out correctly to achieve what you want.May be,you really are the most deserving for your position in life.Luck is just a thing we blame on if we fail.May be.

Universe is too big to drop on conclusion.That is right.

But as I end this post I'm sure of one thing,Luck does exist but it depends on your actions.BEWARE of your actions.

DON'T KNOW WHY

Hey guys,

I didn't have any good topics for comeback to writing,then I realized why everything good has occurred to me(please take a moment of silence and pray that this doesn't go away).So where was I? oh ya,So I was telling everything good has happened to me since approximately last Monday.So I guess this won't be one of those depressing post you read mostly(or will it be).

something that is weirdly true

So I don't know where is this wizard like manna coming in me but I have been more awesome then ever (needless too say that I'm AWESOME). I'm one such person who likes solitude even when surrounded by crowd. I finally have it, probably one reason for my happiness. I don't come outta my room for most of the day and just laze around on bed. Talking to friends through messages. Oh I forgot to mention finished assassin's creed 3(freaking awesome game). Made some good friends in past few days. Well nothing sums it up for why am I happy (for people who are guessing I might have got a girl,you are wrong as I always say this piece of crap isn't anyone's choice,but won't lie there is one girl I like to probably whom I can never come out and say my feelings).

So might be nothing can explain my ultimate awesomeness. Might be god is working things out for me. Might be I'm tired of being sad. can be anything but one thing is sure I don't want this feeling to go away and I guess it is here to stay.  

HUNGER

Hey guys,

New Morning,new day,but not to mention nothings new happening around my life. I was enlightened yesterday by a light that I'm a better of a person as far as hobbies are concerned, pfft joking it was a friend of mine over face book  when this topic came up.

Never mind so I wanted to know that have you ever thought of doing something so extremely wild
(adventure),but could never?

Me too, My hunger speed was never ending I used to run my car over national highway just to get that adrenaline pump in veins. This things came to a halt when I had to sell me beloved darling car because of some steering damage and was taking a big load of money with no guarantee of repair. I lost her but my hunger is still alive. I still dream of her running on those near perfect near pothole free roads of India  (rare site). I still wait for that next something that will satisfy my hunger of speed hunger of I don't know what. This is a hunger not proving myself to any one it's one of like those which you get just after having lunch.

We all know that you will get what you want someday(love birds reading not for you). You will reach to the point where you really bored of carrying on and just settle. Some find it early some find it way later unless they are obese from what they are getting(you get what mean to say right ?)

May be SOMEDAY you will get what you want some day you will break away from the chains and will be flying,flying high.

BEING THAT EXTRA PERSON

Hey Guys,

I have been in a dilemma thinking about most random things that most people ever won't even think about like what will happen if I got stuck between a T-Rex's jaw or was dinosaur just a made up story to keep away the truth that Pokemon once really existed. Some thoughts really amaze me other make me scared of future and what's going to happen. I have been having these thoughts to keep myself busy. You ask busy from what ? Busy from Making a real contact with outer world other than mine.

I have limited my contacts even with my friends I rarely message them or I rarely call them up asking for hang outs. I have become the person I was in school times. That guy on last bench who likes to sit alone watch out of window searching something even he doesn't know about(I sound so boring now),but that was the time I was really happy not giving a crap about the surrounding. I had friends in school too,as you might have guessed it that I even those time was not a person who would have talked to them much. I'm tuning out to be the same person again. Thinking why be such a boring crap ? I found myself invading my friends(all of them) life by being that extra person,The person without whom their life will be much better to handle. I myself realized that I'm a selfish prick who thinks about his own problem alone and not other,all I used to talk to my friends was my problem in life(probably best topic to talk on for me). I found myself really annoying to others even back then even now. Last few year have turned me to that annoying person. So why am I writing about this thing here ? Frankly speaking even I don't know the reason of sharing this. Why would I write how boring human being I'm who is just a worthless as a stone.

I guess sometimes it's just better to accept who you are rather than fighting with the inner you just let him out like today I didn't stop myself from writing this post.

For today I'm that extra person in your lives that you will forget about as this comes to an end

PROBLEMS

Hey guys,

Nothing much have been changing around in my life,same old static one.The only things that are changing is the games I'm playing just finished playing assassin's creed brotherhood.I being a very big fan of assassins creed series wanted to play A.C 3 but for sake of story linkage went in sequence now have kept revelations for download.

So I start with my topic for today.Problems everyone has it but what do you all think? what can be roots behind this things? According to me the sources are infinite,but the culprit is one i.e growing up.
do you remember any problems from the time when you were ten? the only problem I remember was not getting enough toffee or chocolates everyone around you pampered you you just had to cry to the thing out of top shelf.
Even Walt Disney said,"Too many people grow up,that is the problem with world today,too many people grow up and start to dominate over the one's who are still young,well I wont do that"(not exact quote but was meaning the same)

SO how to get over it? according to me age is only determined by your actions.You can be old and still be a child.The day you start following the society and rule's your child within catches a niche and starts to grow smaller and smaller until it vanishes.NEVER let him go to the niche.
(Just to be clear to swag community I'm not talking about the YOLO thing I'm talking about not letting down your kid inside,there is a difference between acting like idiots and acting like kids)
And now that I'm talking about kids I realize how funny life is.You Take birth as a Infant grow up to be a teenager and then adult but as world walks ahead the life again makes a child outta you
funny funny life.

LIFE'S ILLUSION

Hello guys,

Before starting my post a great thanks to every one to give me good views over my comeback.Well today has been a normal day.Started out my day waking up bathing going to tuition for a shitty test coming back and still waiting for something interesting to happen.

We all have used normal to describe our day and have come across people describing their day as normal and we all have got that small misunderstanding that if a person describes his day as normal it must mostly be boring.

Is normal actually that boring ?

Nah some people live it to extreme which becomes a normal to them and other people keep it low profile.

Life's biggest illusion is the normal.what seems normal to us is probably chaos for others vice a versa.

You just have to set the limits to normal and you will find another illusion rising up.

This thought was given to me by a pic over internet and since then I have this thought running in my head.

I have been asking myself what is normal than? just a wrong word that came past us to hide some thing?

I had many things up my head while writing this post will it succeed will it be interesting enough or will I even finish what I started.than this thought came past me that it will at least help me to empty my brain require your thoughts over this.

A LONG COMEBACK

Hello guys,

I have been away for almost a year now,I have been busy regarding my board exams (government exams to get in a career college),But to be honest I have been chilling around more than studying.I got so chilled out that I may even be failing in one of my subjects i.e physics (please pray).

Well I have been on a losing streak lately with everything that has come by in my life.just two thing I didn't lose on "hope" and "friends"(well can't be that sure on this one).I turned 18 two days ago.As all my birthdays  this birthday did not suck as rest of all thanks to my old buddies "Avinash"and "Bhavya" for the first time on my birthday I went out to see a movie.
Well talking about losing streak,I lost my love phoenix(my car),lost some good friends,lost faith that I will ever get up,and today morning got myself a birthday gift (Assassins creed 3)that too did not work,bored with life have nothing great to do.and some I don't wanna talk about.
Some of them aren't losing but a minor setbacks.I saw a pic that quoted "the less you care the happier you be" I found that to be true I stopped giving a shit about most of the people alive,now I'm at a point where I have zero sits left to give,but sometimes you can't ignore the fact and stay ignorant.The feeling comes up all at once and bursts out like a volcano or a soda bottle(volcano sounds a bit cliched).
I heard somethings that i didn't knew about myself and heard things that added up to my setbacks.

But that's life it pushes you down pee's all over you to remind you that you aren't that great that you get beyond what's life.In some ways it's good you always get to know how much ever successful man you become there's always something a step above you that can push you down,which also generates a sense of gratitude and respect over pride.
The real comeback is one that you get past over what life has done to you and stand up to fight him again until you succeed.