LIES TOLD!

Hey guys,

I was just sitting at my bed in hostel when I had this weird thought,'how often do we lie to ourselves?'. It's pretty often. Something bad's gonna happen and still we tell ourselves that everything will be all right, You had a break up recently and you tell yourself you are completely over him/her, and best lie among all is "I DON'T CARE".

Why do we do this ? Why do we have to lie to ourselves when we are well aware of the truth? Lies comfort us that is why we do it. I personally hate the phrase "I would have respected you if you told the truth at my face", you all know why ? because if the truth was so easy to hear why would i lie at the first place?. I personally would appreciate someone who lied to me during the tough times, because He/she considered not making matters worse for me with coming up with bad news and bad stuff. people are also called off spoken if they are too straight forward with the situation.

I'm sorry, I don't want to sound angry. The point is, lies make you happy and it is an essential part of life, think about it, without lies would any would have survived till this far? People knocking down each other would be a pretty common scene. Well, there is a bright side to it, we would then be highly pain bearing species.

So, why do we hate the lies? It is simply because we don't want to feel like fools not knowing what really is going on. I cannot come up with any other reason other than this. Can you? please let me know too.

I don't side with lies on everything, sometimes truth should be told. There are essential times when lie is undoubtedly  superior to the truth but mostly the scale weighs other way round on lots of occasions. So, me siding with lies doesn't mean I don't wanna know the truth ever, but I wanna know the truth when times are better for me to listen and handle it.

LIFE GOES ON MEMORIES STAY.

Hey guys,

I have stayed away a lot from writing a new post, not only because I was busy in my studies and schedule were pretty tiring, but also because I didn't have anything to write about, until last week. My friend and I were punished because we ran out of a secret hide way in our college building and were caught. We were punished by not letting us out of the hostel for about 2 weeks (it was damn frustrating), I almost forgot how the roads looked like.... O.K I was just kidding, but ya I went a bit paranoid during last Friday and Saturday. So, here is what I'm going to write about, last week on Sunday I had to spend my whole day so I started to hear radio and as I like good old Hindi songs from 70's-90's I was stuck on a radio channel, a show was on, it was about a man saying stories and in between stories songs played according to the scene. I'm going to share one of the stories.

There was a girl(let's call her Priya) who used to work for an old-age home and she was greatly attracted towards a couple named Mr.and Mrs Joshi, they were in old-age home because they never had any kids and they were pretty old too. Priya loved spending time with the lovely couple,she was moved to see even in their 80's they loved each other like newly wed couple. One day she asked the couple how they met and fell in love, Mrs Joshi turned red and hid her face behind her palms, and Mr Joshi started the story leaving Mrs Joshi's  face even more red. Mr Joshi started his story," Back in days I used to be a doctor, The area in which my clinic was, Mrs Joshi lived there. One fine day I got a call from Mrs Joshi's dad calling me to his house as her daughter(Mrs Joshi) was ill. I left the clinic as soon as possible. I reached and asked her day where is the patient, He took me to her. Seeing Mrs Joshi I was awestruck, I never knew a lady could look so beautiful when they were ill. I diagnosed her and gave her the medicines for the illness. Even after I was back at my dispensary she was all over my head and after 2 days of day dreaming and restless nights I went to her house with a good reason was checking on the patient, I saw her dad telling stories to her and then I was informed that Mrs Joshi never took medicine until some one told her a story. I didn't waste anytime and asked Sasurji (Father in law) for Mrs Joshi's  hand. it's been 30 years now that she has been diagnosed with diabetes and I have to tell her stories ever since then". Priya didn't realize how late it was and had to leave for home. Even after Priya reached home she was thinking about how lovely the story was and even at this age they have managed to keep alive that young lover within them. Priya noticed it every day that Mrs Joshi would sing a Raag (type of Indian classical opera). One day Priya reached home and was given a news by her family that they were going to a hill station for a vacation, Priya was excited and even sad because she had to spend a week away from the couple. A week later when she reached back to the old-age home, she felt a gloom in that building she rushed to the couples room and saw the bed in a bad condition like someone had just woken up and didn't tidy the bed and saw Mrs Joshi standing in balcony, Priya approached to the bed and started to clean the bed mrs Joshi yelled at top of her voice,"LEAVE THAT BED ALONE, IT IS WHERE HE LAST SLEPT, LEAVE IT!!". Priya was in a shock with the news of Mr Joshi's death. Mr Singh who was in the next room informed Priya that Mr Joshi had a severe heart attack and passed away since then Mrs Joshi was in shock. Weeks passed by Mrs Joshi kept her busy through out the day but in night the loneliness took over it was like the wall was painted black with the memories of the loved one who left you in middle of the road of life, the night was spent in restless desire of holding back to the person who has went far, so far that you cannot reach him with your hands. Priya noticed this, one day she stayed back in night at the old age home, she bought the medicine to Mrs Joshi the medicine and as Mrs Joshi was about to have the medicine Priya asked"today you won't listen to a story ?". Mrs Joshi was stuck back in time after a moment of silence followed an answer "yes" accompanied with a tear of memories. Priya told the couple's story with some minor changes. Mrs Joshi then treated Priya with the same Raag that she sang for Mr Joshi. The voice which once had love and sweetness of the loved one turned in sadness and sorrow of the same person. The same Raag which once was like a Love song of summer was heard as if it was a heart broken sorrow of a bird. 

Life is something that goes on which I learned listening to this story trapped in the hostel room, and it turned out to be true no one waited for me nor the time paused when I was in there. Everything and everyone will move ahead in life, and if they choose to stay back in the memories and time they will just have that dust of time settled on them. Sometimes you should know that someone is not returning and you cannot do much about it, you just have to clan yourself off the dust get up and start moving on the road of life.

TRUE BATTLE

Hello guys,

My departure day nears and everything is just falling in place my but I fear I might not catch up with everything before 12th of this month. I have some major paper works pending that I will need in my near future. I spend most of the day running for it and rest of my day is spent either with my family or roaming about with friends or alone.

So talking about battles, everybody is fighting their battle. Everyone wakes up and finds themselves in yet another fight to survive, some people's fight are small (or appear to be), and some people's fight are big and every one around them can feel their pain, and some keep it personal by not letting it out. Some days seems your fight have been conquered and you let your guards down, and someday it seems your fight is everlasting and never gonna end. I know one thing for sure the battle you are on some or other day changes without even letting you know, you just grow so fed up of it that you don't even care to win over in that battle and just let it go.

Well, it's true that tough time shows true friends, But not everyone that sticks around is a friend and not everyone that shows you back is a backstabber. The people you see hung around you might just be there to push you towards worse and people who have turned you down might have just wore a mask to see you grow stronger and might be even helping from the backgrounds and you might not even know about it. So who do you trust at such times ? Answer is so simple, you should trust no one at such time, after all you are the best aid you can get. I know, I know, that these talks are easy to give and tough to do, but I have gone through this and yes in recent times. It is tough, but possible you know. It is just a part of growing up I guess.

Battles are never over, If you look closely you might have already took on a new one by now or one is just waiting for you in your near future. BEST OF LUCK for it.

SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER

Hello there,

A long time since my last update ain't it ? I have been stuck up with paper works for my college from last 2 weeks, and what was I busy with earlier you ask ? It was actually nothing. I was just chasing after something which I always knew would never be mine, However it wasn't all a loss you know, I actually got pretty close to it until I was pushed away by my  goal itself. So I might consider a win win situation. I got some wisdom outta it and felt closest to my goal even though I never got it. Anyways I will get started on my topic now.

I have been an enigma to myself almost all my life. Even in my blogging history I have mentioned many many times that I want to change myself. I actually tried doing it, well the results weren't quite fruitful. I ended up losing myself, I questioned my own existence, I actually became a blank page again which I was sent like when I was born. Solitude always suited me. I never even got mixed with my family even though they are one of those who are closest to me. I never talk much to people except that one person, ya the same person who was my goal. I let down all my guards and she actually knows the most about me more than my family or any other friends. I was a complete different person with her, I was "ME". I found myself in a conquest to win her over however, I lost the conquest but, I found myself, the ME that suited me the best. I didn't need to change the me I'm. The rejection surely hit me hard and made me go down on my knees, and I won't say that I will move on that easily but, I found myself that has made me a bit confident it will surely take a shorter duration this time. I might even shower the girl whom I love next with all my love she deserves. I find it rather funny to say that I'm all alone again after these 3 months. I guess, I should have known better because even when I fell for her one and half year ago I knew we weren't meant to be together and today that I have understood it all I wish is her happiness and good life after all she will always be my best friend because I know there is something awesome waiting for me around the corner or at least I can hope for it, till then I will just wear this mask of mine that I'm left with(i.e smile).Talking about awesome, my college are gonna start on September 12th the gets me all psyched up.

Well all I want to say at last is there is no need to change yourself no, need at all you will be at peace of mind if you just accept yourself rather then get on a conquest to be something else. I learned it the hard way and I bet even you will cause you won't understand if you are on a fight with yourself, at the end you will just be smacked in face with reality and you will end up with whom you are the real "YOU".

YET AGAIN !!!!

Hey guys!

Well there are some good news and some bad ones(seems bad news never leave my life).I got my admission in marine engineering and I am damn excited and looking forward to start with course on September 8th. I would be in an hostel for a year and abroad for second year of college. Seems pretty amazing opportunity. So here are good news.

My reaction on my stupidity.

I have been feeling gloomy for past 2 weeks. I have to leave my parents for 2 years which is the longest I will be away from them. Even they seem to be excited and sad at same time. Does it feel this way always ? when you get something good. To mess up the situation pretty more for me I proposed a best friend of mine whom  I have a crush on from past 1.5 years. Knowing I don't stand a chance with her as she already has a boyfriend. I confessed about my feels in a moment of anger because of a twat because of whom she and I were fighting. I was holding on to the feels pretty well before it was out of bag. Then on a crazy night I proposed her (kill me). I don't know why even in college and even now,If I could open up a vein and bleed her smile out I would do that. Well, the good thing is that she did NOT stop talking. Seeing her messed up in feelings I decided one of the toughest decisions I ever took.I decided not to disturb her any more and forwarded my hand of friendship and asked her to me be my best friend. I realize it is hard and just wanna tell this thing to her. Aand I messed it again and said everything to her AGAIN!. Well, I can't stay away from her. I can't withstand the idea of her going away even though she was never mine.

If you are reading this post and are a parent of a child please make him/her read this post and tell them never ever be this guy.

Well I guess this is life we have to let our favorite things slip by,just to see it happy,even though it hurts you have to.

DEFEATED

Hey guys,

(warning:is extremely emotional as hell,not looking for sympathy,just wanna put it out there)

Got my results today,passed out in all subjects,but I never felt this defeated in my whole life.My family supported me through out the time.Even after results they are the same person as they were before,even my friends supported me through all this.

I got percentage in 50's which is as good as fail.Indian education system say's I need to get at least 60% to get in my desired career.I never felt this defeated.The feeling can be put up as an analogy"won the war,but still defeated".Not only studies I suck in all paths of my life now,I could never be a good son,nor a good friend.I asked for god only two things,and he seem's to have bared me of both of them.

Well time calls for war,and determined not to lose this time.

may god grant me my wishes and make me strong through the wait.

WON'T BACK DOWN.

Hola !!

Last few days were of utter nonsense.I never had such mixed feelings for the same person all at once. Argh! chuck it first the good news. I got a new ride and I ain't getting to ride it. The reason you ask ? it's because my mom and dad blame me for the bad condition of my last ride phoenix, but same old me I find the keys and take it for a roll once a while.

Now I was saying the feels thing right? so I was saying that I never had such mixed feelings for the same person. I want to love it and at the same time strangle it and watch it die. So the best I could do was a self intervention (cause my friends won't do it for me). After some expert advice from me to me, I opted to not tell her my feelings of love and keep it hidden in me.Now starts the hate part I had a bit of a fight with her a couple of days back and called it quits,So I'm determined to not to have any  conversation with her, But stupid mind always keeps saying me text or at least say  a "HI" to her. wish this coming out and asking up things were made easy to say for a person like me.

Anyways there be people, no people I'm happy and ain't giving a damn now. So (drum rolls) here is the new me which is basically the old me because I ain't changing no more .

LUCKY OR NOT?

Heyyo guys,

whaaaddup? Must be something really good.It's just getting more awesome for.With 5 days (or less) remaining for the day getting all my lost enthusiasm back running in me.Today morning I was playing cricket where I got in a debate with a kiddo.So the debate started when my friend just missed the boundary by inches and mourned "Kya yaar kismat hi kharab hai!"(translation:My luck is bad) and kiddo added there is nothing like luck it's just you.I too got deep in thought process.

So Is there really something called luck? Or is it just really you?
Well call me superstitious or dumb I do believe in luck, It works in all unbelievable ways for me.Life is just a little of what luck has granted us, don't believe me? Think for yourself there might have been stronger or more deserving than you on what place you are right now(relationships,work,academics,games) but it came to you or handed to you. For people who say "no there wasn't any such person" you are lying to yourself there was definitely a name that just popped up when you read it.So luck does exist but it always does for good think again aren't you making a good out was what you are or what you have ?

LUCK just helps you get what you want and then it's all on you how you play the cards like I once quoted
"Life is a gamble,to put it all out or not,is your choice,but wining or losing is not your choice,that depends on you playing right cards a a little pinch of luck".

May be(not rolling out all options),luck is not real,It's just you acting out correctly to achieve what you want.May be,you really are the most deserving for your position in life.Luck is just a thing we blame on if we fail.May be.

Universe is too big to drop on conclusion.That is right.

But as I end this post I'm sure of one thing,Luck does exist but it depends on your actions.BEWARE of your actions.

DON'T KNOW WHY

Hey guys,

I didn't have any good topics for comeback to writing,then I realized why everything good has occurred to me(please take a moment of silence and pray that this doesn't go away).So where was I? oh ya,So I was telling everything good has happened to me since approximately last Monday.So I guess this won't be one of those depressing post you read mostly(or will it be).

something that is weirdly true

So I don't know where is this wizard like manna coming in me but I have been more awesome then ever (needless too say that I'm AWESOME). I'm one such person who likes solitude even when surrounded by crowd. I finally have it, probably one reason for my happiness. I don't come outta my room for most of the day and just laze around on bed. Talking to friends through messages. Oh I forgot to mention finished assassin's creed 3(freaking awesome game). Made some good friends in past few days. Well nothing sums it up for why am I happy (for people who are guessing I might have got a girl,you are wrong as I always say this piece of crap isn't anyone's choice,but won't lie there is one girl I like to probably whom I can never come out and say my feelings).

So might be nothing can explain my ultimate awesomeness. Might be god is working things out for me. Might be I'm tired of being sad. can be anything but one thing is sure I don't want this feeling to go away and I guess it is here to stay.